FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Aug 14, 2006

visions of the future

Bloody-Disgusting has a review up of the workprint of the forthcoming remake of Black Christmas. It's super wicked spoiler-heavy but I read it anyway. It's a review of a mere work in progress, but I read it anyway. Why? Because many moons ago when I first read about this movie I think I could already smell it...and it smelled bad, baby. Perhaps it's not fair to judge a film on an interview here and a production still there and a plot synopsis over yonder. But hey, who says I have to be fair? And anyway, if you read the scathing review, you'll see my early onset of middle finger-flipping was most likely justified. Point #1, from the review: "It's too jokey." Sigh. I hate too jokey in my horror! Unless it's supposed to be jokey, which I'm pretty sure this film is not.

There's no denying the hilarity of this production still, however, which I have dubbed Coal Miner's Daughter Senior Portrait:

She's ever so thoughtful and innocent and sooty!

As I said, it's just a workprint so things may change before I lay my grubby eyes on this puppy, but it matters not. I'm already working up a list of post/review titles for when Black Christmas hits the screen:

Blecch Christmas
Ho-Ho-Horrible
Bah Humbug!
Black ChristmASS
Was I Naughty, Santa? Is That Why You've Wrought This Upon Me?
The Worst Noel
Jingle Smells
and
This Movie is a Piece of Shit

What gets your vote? I'm really into The Worst Noel despite its lack of profanity.

8 comments:

B.A. Slattery said...

Jingle Blecch may be my favorite. Reminds me of Mad Magazine back in the day. Everybody said Blecch and I loved it!

But the award, I think, goes to Black ChristmASS, because it's stupid and funny and full of assy awesomeness.

Trav said...

Black ChristmASS all the way!
And can I say for the record that Lacey Chabert (pictured), Party of One, looks like she was stuffed UP the chimney in this one to replace Santa.
What pisses me off about this remake (and that Texas Chainsaw prequel you posted about earlier) is that we are supposed to find out WHY these killers are doing what they are doing.
I don't want to know who Billy is or whatever in the BC remake. THAT'S what made it soo scary in the original. He just does what he does.

theron said...

I think the best headline has to be:

Ho-Ho-Horrible

How about "Dreck the Halls"?

B.A. Slattery said...

I'm with Trav. I'm all about ambiguity in serial killer films.

Amanda By Night said...

I'm holding to to hope because the fellows behind this also did the incredible remake of Willard, a movie I hold very close to my heart.

However, it looks like it will sucky wucky so who am I to judge?

Amanda By Night

brian said...

Black ChristmASS!! HA!
I love the original so so much ...I have no idea what to think about all of this. I really can't decide whether to boycott... or to go and heckle the movie screen the whole time. (because movie screens always get their feelings hurt very easily.)

Trav said...

That's right, I forgot.
The guys that did the awesome remake of Willard are doing this thing.
I am crossing my fingers too, amanda by night.

dreamrot said...

I'm kind of liking This Movie is a Piece of Shit, but, I suppose it's not really specific to the movie itself, it could be ANY shitty movie.

Of course, there's always Fuckin Up My Christmas