FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Jan 28, 2008

they're all gonna laugh at you

So have you seen the trailer for the Prom Night remake yet?



Obviously it bears very little resemblance to the original film, which is fine but begs the question "If this 'remake' bears so little resemblance to the original film, why not come up with a new title and make the movie totally fresh and exciting?"

The title doesn't really matter, however- I couldn't be less anticipatory about this PG-13 effort. Judging by YouTube comments such as "now im scared to go 2 prom", though, it seems that the target demographic may, in fact, be excited about it. I am so not Prom Night's target demographic. I know that horror films have virtually always catered to the teen market, but that doesn't make me any less bitter about it...nor does it make the film look like any less of a stinker.

I realize that it's not really fair to rag on a movie before one has seen the thing, but I just have this feeling, you know? That it'll be lame. Making a positive out of a negative, though (as I always do), I've come up with two ways in which the Prom Night remake can be rendered significantly better.

THE PROM NIGHT REMAKE WILL BE 88% BETTER IF:


THE PROM NIGHT REMAKE WILL BE 100% BETTER IF:

22 comments:

the Maven said...

Suddenly I feel awash with new love for the Jamie Lee Curtis version.

Adam Ross said...

OK, I just got the joke: the word bubble is coming out of her hand because she's using sign language! I laughed.

I might see "Prom Night" if only to find out how they handle the ending twist from the original, something tells me a PG-13 rating doesn't lend itself to showing fatal childhood accidents. At least not very well.

John Barleycorn said...

I love flying vagina ... I mean, pussy.

P. K. Nail said...

Oh dear. That trailer is painful enough. I think the thing that most annoys me is whoever the Exposition Man is (the detective, I presume?). "Yeah, so there was this guy, he stalked some girl, got put in a maximum security prison, and he busted out 3 days ago." That doesn't even *sound* scary; the dude just sounds bored. I'd hate to hear him trying to tell an urban legend - "yeah, and blahblahblah, there was a bloody hook, yadda yadda." He just doesn't have the "Donald Pleasance" quality to pull off exposition.

The airborne cat would definitely be an improvement, though. Worth the admission price all by itself, I'd say.

Theron said...

The easy answer is that the name "Prom Night" already has equity with its target demographic...but let's get real. Current teens no nothing of the original "Prom Night." Seems like they'd update it with a hep new title...even if it's just something like "Yo, Prom Night" then the sequel could be "Yo Yo, Prom Night" and so on...

Rural Juror said...

Gee..I wonder how long the black people will last in the movie

Bill Walsh said...

In my new-minted tradition of identifying photos of Stacie, let me say that that is actually a picture of her at her prom using her power of feliditelekinesis to ward off a masher (not pictured).

Old Dark Housekeeper said...

"A Night To Die For."

They must have pulled an all-nighter before they settled on that one.

Although considering the demographic it's aiming at, shouldn't it be "A Night 2 Die 4"?

Piper said...

Why oh why with the PG-13 Horror Movie Suck?

On a separate note, I have shot in that building in which they attend prom. It's like an old Elks Club. It's also the building of the opening shot from Wild At Heart. And... and... and... the bathroom on the first floor of that building is where they shot the Tim Roth bathroom scene from Reservoir Dogs.

Well, enough about me, how are you?

Terminal said...

I hated the original and this will suck too.

But then again, I'm not fifteen, a fan of "The Hills" and prone to fifteen seconds of attention span.

Pierce said...

I guess the good news is that this may somehow encourage the youngsters to search out the original and give it a shot? ...Ok I admit that is a longshot.

I'll admit I am mostly biased against the PG-13 horror flicks. My belief is they mostly suck because. Well, because the rating necessitates that they not be too intense or scary.

That cat is awesome, I look forward to seeing it in next summers blockbuster hit (that I just made up)"Puss in Blood!"

Anonymous said...

Worst Remake yet?
Chuck

ladracul said...

Some remakes need to be improved, others didn't. I liked "House of Wax" because it reminded me of an R-rated "Goosebumps" episode. This just looks like it should've gone straight to DVD, PRONTO.

I wonder if I can try to contact Edgar Wright about bugging Fox to make that "Phantom of the Paradise" remake as well as making it closer to Leroux's book...

frightnight said...

I remain steadfast in my assertion that the worst remake is, hands down, The Fog. Now, the most pointless remake is Psycho.

Stacie Ponder said...

"OK, I just got the joke..."

Clever, no? :D

When searching for this trailer, naturally the trailer for the original film popped up, so I watched that as well. It's some seriously cheesy 80s goodness, and it makes me want to watch the Jamie Lee Curtis version again- though I know that movie kinda sucks, too. I've seen worse, but I've definitely seen better.

Undoubtedly, The Fog is the worst remake I've seen yet. Most of them are just bland and boring and pale imitations of the originals; The Fog made me want to kill myself...right after I killed the entire world.

April Fools Day is going straight to DVD, and possibly so is My Bloody Valentine. I doubt if these films make anyone (besides, maybe, hardcore horror fans) seek out the originals. I think most kids would be BORED by the originals.

kindertrauma said...

O.K I have no problem with remakes until something like THIS happens! As much as folks complain about RZ's HALLOWEEN it was at least STILL a horror movie! Taking a movie like PROM NIGHT which may seem silly by today's standards but was actually a pretty grizzly little flick in it's day (disco music and all) de-clawing it and making what looks like a Lifetime television movie out of it, is an insult to ALL age groups. Remember when you were a teenager and seeing a horror flick was almost an act of transgression? Those were films your parents didn't want you to see. I feel sorry for the kids who this might be aimed for. The truth is they are making these movies for nobody. Kids still flock to see the horror they sense is "dangerous" like RZ's HALLOWEEN and the HILLS HAVE EYES and TCM remakes. They usually ignore this crap. The sad thing is PROM NIGHT had a decent story line that you could actually update and play around with. What a squandered opportunity!

Old Dark Housekeeper said...

I think that if someone set their mind to it, a PG-13 horror film could be perfectly scary. You don't actually need to to show a sorority girl being eviscerated in loving detail for a film to deliver with the goods.

Theoretically. No one seems to bother trying, though.

Stacie Ponder said...

"...a PG-13 horror film could be perfectly scary. You don't actually need to to show a sorority girl being eviscerated in loving detail for a film to deliver with the goods."

I completely agree with you. It's simply that too many shitty movies are rated PG-13 and they're giving the rating a bad name.

The flip side is, of course, that an R rating doesn't guarantee a good film.

kindertrauma said...

I think it comes down to intention. If you watch that PROM NIGHT trailer it's not very interested in saying "hey, this is going to scare you!" It's more interested in showing you some kind of Barbie doll/THE HILLS type life style. It seems to have more in common with a film like BRATZ then any slasher film I'm familiar with. I'm sure a PG-13 horror film could work, any Val Lewton film would receive such a rating today. I just don't think they are honestly trying to make a horror film here. It's as if they're just trying to get a specific audience into the theater and what happens once they're there... who cares? Even if I could forgive the tainting of PROM NIGHT that awful cover of TIME AFTER TIME is below the belt!

the2ndsiutor said...

This looks like a movie for douche bags.

Maybe I'm a dusty old (27) fart, but this reminds me of everything I hate aboot both horror and high school.

cattleworks said...

Uh...
Okay. First, the picture with the sinister, creepy flying cat totally cracked me up and I was laughing for several minutes staring at that thing.
IF ONLY H. Tjut Djalil directed this version of PROM NIGHT! (Doesn't that cat seemed like it was sent from some Indonesian death cult??)

Um... I actually thought the way they did this PROM NIGHT trailer was interesting, totally making it not like a horror movie at first until it turns into a horror movie.
Conceptually, that night and day thing was kind of cool. Unfortunately, I thought all the horror stuff they showed came across as extremely... uninteresting. Or at least, just crammed with a lot of generic allusions to a horror film that you just "felt" like you were watching a horror film, but it was so quickly edited together you sometimes had no real sense of what was going on. So, yeah, that didn't look too promising.
Oh, not that I found the first section "interesting," I thought the idea of showing two contrasting genres a cool idea.
You know?
Like what if they did a "High School Musical" horror film?
Some poor embittered guy who never gets picked during his four years of auditioning for the musical, he goes berserk.
But the whole trailer looks like a regular, wholesome HSM movie, with all the Disney channel actors, etc. until... HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 13: FINAL DRESS REHEARSAL!
Bla bla bla...

And yeah, PG-13 horror movies, theoretically, shouldn't mean sucky.
Look at JAWS which was PG. Or the original HAUNTING, etc.
But, those are unfortunately the exception, not the rule.
R-rated offers you the implied comfort of, well, this may or may not be competently done, but at least we'll possibly see violence, or sex or language that is inappropriate for those 17 and under. So, if it's going to be bad, hopefully it's because of incompetence and not because of bland elements.
Sort of.

Man, that was an awesome flying cat!

Bloody Mary said...

Oh, I'm totally on board with killing the entire cast of High School Musical... er, um, seeing a movie about that.