FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE...beware yon spoilers!

Dec 10, 2008

eh, just do it yourself.

I wrote up a bit of an ode to the back yard filmmakers of the world over at AMC this week. Go read it. Or don't, see if I care. You just think you're so big, don't you?

I finally caught the finale of VH1's Scream Queens last night and...ridiculousness aside, I think it was the first time in the history of ever that my favorite contestant from the beginning actually won a reality competition.

And yet, I still feel empty inside.

And I still won't go see Saw VI.

What I will see, however, is My Bloody Valentine 3D, which opens on January 16th. The commercials are starting to air and dammit, I'm excited. The Harry Warden costume looks great and just as scary as the original, and I find myself not caring a whit- NOT A WHIT I SAY- that it's a remake. Perhaps that's owed to the fact that the words "three" and "dee" are tacked on to the title- as we all know, I fucking love 3D. So much so that I would probably go see The Runaway Bride if it were re-released in 3D. So much so that I would probably go see some romantic comedy/frat comedy/heartwarming Christmas movie with an all-star cast that features Paul Reiser, Julia Roberts, Charlie Sheen, Cameron Diaz (I just don't get her), Jack Black (I just don't get him), and the Welch's Grape Juice Children if it were in 3D...and that's saying A LOT because for some reason those Grape Juice commercials really angry up my blood, especially this one.

But today is not a day for angried-up blood! Let's all GET PUMPED to the strains of "Rock n' Rock" from the little1986 masterpiece called Killer Workout. So much rock, they don't have time to roll! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go make out with my KW videocassette.

16 comments:

RJ said...

One of these days, you've GOT to review Killer Workout. It is too ridiculous for you not to. There's hardly even a main character for chrissake!

Thus the basis of its appeal.

Kelda said...

Welch's Juice girls! I remember hating those commercials with a passion that burned deeply within me when they used to air. Unfortunately, I can't remember if it was all that juice-inspired lip smacking or their precocious natures that really got to me. Probably both.

Fred [The Wolf] said...

Not being a fan of the original MY BLOODY VALENTINE, I can honestly say that I am looking forward to the remake. I always wanted that film to be updated and made better. And in 3-D no less? I'm so there.

And yeah, I'm glad Tenedra won Scream Queens. She was my favorite from the beginning too.

RJ Battles said...

I can't wait for MBV3D, I loved the original when I was a kid, and also, would see anything if it was in 3-D.

BloodPepsi said...

Is it wrong that I would pay to see a movie where the Welch's Grape Juice girl gets pick-axed in 3D to the strains of "Rock n'Rock"?

Answer: No

..and after you finally get around to reviewing Killer Workout, you'll have to follow it with a review of your soon-to-be favorite "killer robots vs. Chess King catalog models"-movie, Chopping Mall.

It's gotta be right up there with KW and Sorority House Massacre as one of the most unapologetically "1986"(adj) things you'll ever see.

-Ben

Tor Hershman said...

Moi's self did this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzY2bVsZK5s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sckuqPulRGk

BlackEyedP said...

whats wrong with the saw factory? (not that im a fan, just interested in your logic)

Stacie Ponder said...

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with the Saw series...it's just that the only one I've seen is part 3 and I thought it was a pile of dook. I can't imagine part 6 will endear me to it anymore.

I SHOULD see the first film, though. One of these days...

Stacie Ponder said...

Oh, and yes, a review of Killer Workout...again, someday...

It's just going to have to be monumental (in my eyes, anyway), and that's intimidating.

It's been waaaaaaay too long since I've seen Chopping Mall.

dan said...

Awesome article at AMC.

I always picked up Killer Workout at the video store and marveled at its hilarious cover, but never ended up renting it..

did I make a huge mistake!?

Wes Fierce said...

Neither an act of god or nature will stop me from seeing MBV3D. I'll hijack a semi and create a path of destruction, the likes of which this town has never seen, straight to the theater. If, anything should get in my way. Robot zombie ninja vampires, not excluded.

Bonnie said...

Dear God am I looking forward to the My Bloody Valentine remake. Of course, being that the original is my favorite movie of all time, they had better not muck this one up OR ELSE, but I actually think the trailer looks really awesome. (But then again, I thought Rob Zombie's Halloween tariler looked awesome and, well, we all know how that turned out...)

Of course, the best thing to come of this remake is that the original film is being released on DVD UNCUT! And that, my friends, is a Valentine's Day Miracle.

Trav28 said...

Agreed, 3D is awesome. One of my favourite teenage memories (aside from the obvious ones!) had to be Jaws 3D. Man-imal eaten by shark is 30 kinds of awesome.

Pierce said...

Between MBV3D and Final Destination 4 its looking like it'll be a good year for 3D. They can't lose!

RoaOC said...

Yeah... that Welch's grape juice girl's commercial always made me wanna go on a shooting spree at my local Dairy Queen. I can't stand precocious kids.

I feel the same way about the Snuggles fabric softener bear.

Bloody Mary said...

Yesterday I decided to finish the chore of transferring my Killer Workout VHS to DVD before it was too late, but alas... it was too late. It won't play and makes horrible screeching dying sounds. I only got to watch it once. :( A moment of silence, please...