FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE...beware yon spoilers!

Jun 25, 2009

all i ever wanted

Alright, kids, here's the deal. It's time for me to take a little... "rest".

I love putting it like that, because it makes me sound like an upper middle class mental patient from the 1950s. Which I very well could be! The truth is, though, that I'm simply taking a little vacation. During this week away I have but two goals: 1) shoot another short film with Shannon Lark, and 2) see some big trees.

The first item on that list is happening tomorrow- Shannon (of...you know...Ludlow "fame") has written and will be directing and starring in a short film, and I'm acting as DP. I've never shot anyone else's film before, so it's a bit daunting. I'll be sure to tell you all about it upon my return, so maintain your breath level at a firm "bated" whilst I'm gone.

As for the big trees, we're going to rock the Redwoods, and I cannot effing wait. As you may remember, I am a nerd for all things National Parks-related.


So! When I get back I'll have sketch cards to deliver- to everyone who ordered one, THANK YOU, they're coming next week- and Italian zombie movies to watch (Film Club, WOO!).

Also, in Ludlow-related news, I'll be posting up an actual clip sometime next week, once I figure out what to show you; yes, this means another exciting installment of "So I Made A Movie". The film is finished and last night I showed it to some people; no one pointed and laughed at me (that I saw or heard), so I guess it's not...err, laughably bad. Hooray! Here's another screen cap for your Ludlow scrapbook.

Be good to each other while I'm gone and watch a Tracey Gold movie in my honor. See you next week!

Jun 19, 2009

eff yeah

Fangoria online just put up an exclusive clip from the forthcoming film Walking Distance. Writer/direct Mel House is playing it smart- releasing just enough to keep people (well, me anyway) intrigued and all anticipatory, but not enough to really give anything away. In this day and age of meta this and set report that and trailers that you know only show the very best stuff, a little mystery is awfully refreshing.

Check out genre faves Reggie Bannister, Debbie Rochon, and some broad named Shannon Lark in action!

Jun 18, 2009

this is hardcore

Dear My Bitches,

First of all, this post is not hardcore in the least. Actually, it's rather lame. See, I'm knee-deep -- scratch that, I'm fucking xyphoid process-deep in editing Ludlow and I haven't much time to do much of anything except stare at the computer, wondering if what I'm doing is any good. I'll be finished with it early next week, and then... MUA HA HA.

Speak of mua ha ha, here's another screen cap. Oh how provocative.

My point is, I'm totally super big-time sorry that things have been quiet and lame around here, but before you know it I'll be back to watching movies and trying to think of pithy comments just for you. Things won't really heat up- if they ever...you know, actually "heat up"- until it's time for the next Film Club installment, when Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror ushers in AN ENTIRE WEEK of foreign zombie action. Well, foreign to me and my fellow Americans, anyway.

Speaking of zombies and me actually writing stuff, my AMC column this week is all about the many zombie flavors there are available- enough to fetidly fill a Baskin-Robbins.

I'm not sure that entirely makes sense, but anyway.

You can always be my fake cyber-pal if I don't blog enough here to keep up with your absolutely maddening demands. I mean, how would you know that I wanted some pickles today unless you follow me on Twitter? These are the issues that impact my life.

Jun 11, 2009

Viscera Film Festival wants YOU!

Hey! You! Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
That's truth, that's love......


DAMMIT CHARLENE, STAY OUT OF MY HEAD!

"I will eat your soul!"

What I meant to say is, hey you! Have you been sitting here reading about Ludlow and thinking to yourself, "Pfft...whatevs. I could make a movie that's so much better than that!"? Okay, first I have to ask why you've got such an attitude about it. I mean, it's great to have self-confidence and all, but you haven't even seen my movie yet, so what's with all the preemptive "Meh"s? I thought we were friends here. Can't you be supportive JUST THIS ONCE?

Anyway, I'll address our beef later.

Wow, that sounds hot.

Are you a filmmaker? Do you want to make a movie? Do you have a vagina? Do you have a vagina that's ATTACHED TO YOUR OWN BODY? If you answered "Holy crap YES!" to one or more of those questions, then take note! The Viscera Film Festival has just launched its third year and they're actively seeking submissions.

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The VISCERA Film Festival, an online short horror film festival that promotes progressive female filmmakers in the horror genre, has just opened its doors for new submissions.

VISCERA is a Festival created by The Chainsaw Mafia, a horror website/production company geared towards Artists of the genre coming together to create. The Chainsaw Mafia works with Sponsors of the Festival; film critics, horror websites, festivals, and magazines to create maximum promotion for the selected filmmakers and their work. Viscera films have been screened all over the world through the sponsoring film festivals, garnishing awards for the filmmakers and promoting their work to completely new geographical areas.

This year the awards include sculptures from Lipstick Teeth’s Brian S. Allen, which will be presented at the very first VISCERA Premiere in 2010. Each filmmaker is interviewed and promoted by The Chainsaw Mafia, placed in the Viscera Women archive, and each film is placed on a DVD and distributed to the public through thechainsawmafia.com. Filmmakers’ bios and information regarding their work is available on the DVD, which goes out to the Festival’s Sponsors shortly after duplication.

VISCERA accepts films in two categories: women directed/produced films (half of the crew/cast needs to be female, men are completely welcome on set), and women-only productions, which are sets geared towards facilitating more women working together in the genre. The VISCERA Award (a monetary award of $200) has been created for the latter category.

The officially selected films for 2008 will be released on DVD this summer, which will include the work of Devi Snively, Stacie Ponder, Izabel Grondin, Belinda Green-Smith, Faye Hoerauf, Jessica Baxter, Ebony Winston, Chandeline Nicole, and Shannon Lark. The VISCERA Award 2008 winners are Jennifer Gigantino and Natasia Schibinger for their film, “The Date.”

For submissions, VISCERA’s Director Shannon Lark suggests that “beginning filmmakers should focus timing their submissions around 30 seconds to one minute. VISCERA is about quality, not quantity.” For those ladies who are interested in submitting but don’t know where to start, The Chainsaw Mafia deeply encourages them to contact Shannon Lark with any questions they have.
So, ladies and men who know ladies,what are you waiting for? Pick up a camera and go. If I can do it, you can do it. I'm thrilled to be a part of Viscera. Shannon Lark is the hardest working woman I know and she's put together something truly special here, so get with it.

Later on, I plan to put together something truly special myself- I'm going to call it "a sandwich".

There's exciting Ludlow news coming down the pike- well, it's exciting to me, anyway, and as this is my own website of which I am the boss, I'll be posting about it when the time is right. Right now, I'm still editing away...here's another still for you to look at through your eye holes. It doesn't really tell you much about anything going on in the film, but I think it's awful purdy. So there.

Jun 10, 2009

insert title here

Dear y'alls,

Today, as I'm sure you're well aware, is AMC day. This week I wrote about serial killers and movies based on them. It depressed me. I can't deal with real-life crime for too long; I'll see that there's a marathon of Forensic Files on some Sunday and I settle in to watch, all psyched. Then after two episodes I quit because I can't cope with the notion that, you know, you live your life the best you can for 80 years, then it all ends in terror when some stranger stabs you and robs you and your body is found 3 weeks later stuffed into a fucking dumpster.

So anyway. It's a cheery column. Now little robots stabbing people, I can get with.

Jun 9, 2009

all the world loves a list!

Don't you think? And so I now present to you...

5 Ways People Have Misspelled "Halloween" in Google When Looking for Info on Rob Zombie's Halloween 2:

  1. Hallween
  2. Hallowen
  3. Hallaween
  4. Hollween
  5. Haloloween

That last is my favorite. I'm glad they found their way to Final Girl. The Parade of Really Horrible Michael Myers Masks, however, ain't havin' none of it.











That last comes courtesy of my pals over at the supreme Evil on Two Legs.

You know, as I was searching for these pictures I thought, "How effing hard is it to make a GD Michael Myers mask?"- but I shouldn't be so hard on the store-bought efforts. I mean, by the time Halloween 5 rolled around, even the filmmakers were failing at the task!

Jun 5, 2009

who likes art?

Really? That many people? Neat! Now, then: how many people like art and would like to own some?

Hello?

Well, if you raised your hand, you're in luck. I'm having a...a...FIRE SALE on stick figure sketch cards- they're going for the low, low, LOW SO LOW IT'S INSANE price of $12 each, including shipping in the US. Yes, a mere $12 each...or 3 for $30!

Wow, I feel so Crazy Eddie right now.



Here's a samplin' of the type of card you'll get to clutch to your very own bosoms if you take me up on this offer:







To see more examples, you can totally click here. WOW I SAY. Subject matter is your choosing, and you're certainly not limited to horror movies or video games. If you want a card of your Aunt Ethyl, that's fine by moi.

I feel like "Ethyl" is the go to name for old aunts, but has anyone ever actually HAD an Aunt Ethyl?

Anyway. I'm doing this LAST DAYS LIQUIDATION SALE because post-production costs on Ludlow have skyrocketed. It's just typical Hollywood budget bloating- no longer satisfied with munching on peanut butter toast while I'm editing, I want to upgrade to grilled cheese. So help a bitch out and put me to work! You get some art, I get some grilled cheese. It's the right thing to do and the tasty way to do it!



Email me at stacieponder at gmail.com to talk turkey. Paypal is totes welcome. Oh, and just in case folks don't know what a sketchcard is, it's...a card on which an artist sketches.

Ha ha ha! But really, they're baseball card-sized pieces of art, 2.5" x 3.5".

Jun 4, 2009

you guys, Tom Petty was SO right...

...the waiting really IS the hardest part! Everybody's posting it, so why don't I? The trailer for The Final Destination (or, FINAL DESTINATION OH MY GAHD 3-D!), that is...

The Final Destination trailer


I'd be excited even the film was in a mere two dimensions...but three? Please. California needs to legalize gay marriage NOW so that the expected marriage bedlam will ensue and people can then marry whom- or whatever they want, so I can marry this fucking movie.

Come on, August, what the frig is taking you so long to get here??!

Jun 3, 2009

The Pick

Film Club picking time, hooray! This one was a no-brainer...or should I say, an edible-brainer?

No, I shouldn't say that. It makes no sense. Anyway. Ladies, gentlemen, and "others", I give you movie #28 (holy crap!) for the Final Girl Film Club:

BURIAL GROUND: THE NIGHTS OF TERROR

Between all this talk of zombies yesterday and the fact that Burial Ground was the far and away winner in my recent "Hey, what should I watch?" informal poll-o-rama, it's the natural choice...and I am a natural woman, so there you go.

Well, technically I only feel like a natural woman, but I suppose that's good enough for now.

Folks, get ready for some super-mad, super-gross, super-makes-no-sense Italian zombie action from director Andrea Bianchi. I can't wait! Even the trailer is grody TO THE MAX.



WOO HOO I SAY. Netflixers can pick up the movie here. The rest of you will have to undertake your own arduous journeys to obtain the film. Be strong, my friends!

The film: Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror
The due date: Monday, July 6

Yes, I realize that's a long ways away, but the end of June is wack for me, so there.

Jun 2, 2009

better late than never, I guess...

WHY IS THIS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO ZUIIKIN' ENGLISH?

I assure you, it will not be the last.



choke on 'em

Sakes alive, I feel so Micki Dahne right now. Yesterday morning I played a little bit of the zombie shoot 'em up Left4Dead while I ate breakfast and it got me thinking about a few things. First, it got me thinking about how many great zombie video games there are...then I started thinking about zombie movies. Are they...well, played out? I was fixin' to post about all this yesterday, but if you go back in time you'll see that I didn't.

Late last night word started to trickle down into my very own ear holes that Left4Dead 2 and Dead Rising 2 had been announced at gaming industry convention E3 (in fact, you can watch the Dead Rising 2 trailer here), and I got all tingly in my video game-loving parts (ie, my brain). The games are loads of fun, and they're shining examples of the merits of the Romero Shuffler style zombie (Dead Rising) as well as the Dawn of the Dead remake-style sprint-o-matic zombie (Left4Dead). They're equally terrifying, really.

See, I was thinking about the games and then later the new games were announced; clearly this indicates that I possess a strong latent psychic ability. This concludes the Micki Dahne portion of our program.

Back to zombie movies. Are they played out? Are you tired of them yet? Every once in a while, something new comes along and breathes a bit of life (or undeadness, or whatever) into the genre, like the recent Nazi zombie flick Dead Snow; at the same time, you can practically hear the collective "Ugh, another zombie flick?" emanating from The Internets on a daily basis.

Like any other genre, the zombie film has its highs, lows, and fetid middles, sure. Just about everyone with a camcorder and $10 has tried his or her hand at telling a tale of the undead. Even George Romero is still plugging away, though I have to admit my faith is waning (Diary of the Dead, man, she hurt me bad!).

Are the kids still calling them "camcorders" these days?

I don't really know where I'm going with this. Actually, I sort of do: what are your thoughts on zombie movies? Have there been too many in recent years? Would you rather puke in your pants than watch another one? Is there a place in our zany, hectic, multitasking world for the simple Romero Shufflers? What about all the gimmicky zombie flicks (Zombie musicals! I married a zombie! Zombie pets!) See, I thought I was over them, too- but then I pop in Left4Dead and I watch the opening sequence and...geezie weezie, it gets me all pumped up for zombie action because it's a great fucking 5-minute zombie movie and I don't care whether or not it's made out of computer.



Earlier I alluded to the fact that most- if not all- backyard filmmakers have a zombie movie in 'em just dying to get out. I'm a backyard filmmaker. I have a camcorder. Alright, so I don't have $10...but someday I hope to, and at that time I may not be able to help myself: I might have to add my own crappy zombie movie to the already oversaturated market.

Now you know. In two years, when said crappy zombie movie is done, you can dazzle your friends with your very own Micki Dahne-like prowess: "I totally knew she was gonna make one!"