The good news is, I still loves me some Hell Night! Sure, she's got some pacing issues, but who among us doesn't? It happens with age. Sure, she's got some other issues as well, but who among us doesn't have a truckload of baggage? It happens with life. So now, here are some thoughts I had whilst a-watchin':
- RED TITLES. They were ubiquitous back in the day (for reals. check out this gallery.) and I miss 'em. I'm not really one for big fancy title sequences in general- keep it simple, stupid! And RED.
- PETER BARTON. Another 80s mainstay! Where is Peter Barton now? Is he dead? I have a feeling he's dead. Mind you, I have no proof of that and I can't be bothered to look it up...and he's not the only WHERE ARE THEY NOW person I feel that way about. I assume the broad from Ice Castles is dead, too. It's just a thing I have.
- I JUST REMEMBERED that Linda Blair dated Rick James. Kids on cocaine do the darndest things!
- I LOVE LOVE LOVE the legend of Garth Manor. And why not? Who doesn't love a good campfire tale? Only jerks, that's who. Whether it's Hell Night or Friday the 13th Part II or Madman, I find that these stories about wackadoos from years past really give the films some atmosphere. They instantly bring to mind being a young'un, telling dopey yarns and doing dopey things- heading off into the woods in search of a mythical Satanic church, that sort of jazz. Kids who love horror movies do the darndest things!
- MAN they sure say "radical" a lot in Hell Night. This is in addition to the other gems of dialogue, such as "Quaaludes are murder on my skin!" and "The whole world's gone mad!"
- LINDA BLAIR is not always the most convincing actress. Yes, we all love her, but I think it's okay to admit this. She certainly screams well enough, though.
- MARTI is not the gold standard of Final Girls. Sure, she's the Final Girl and as such, she earns points for simply surviving the (Hell) night, but she just sort of cowers and shrieks through the whole movie. I would do the same, I suppose, but still. At least she wears a cameo choker the whole time!
- CORPSE PARTY! INEFFECTIVE AUTHORITY FIGURES! Oh Hell Night, you drag out all the tropes. You could go through Slashers 101 while watching this movie and check off pretty much the whole book.
- YES THAT WAS A SHAMELESS PLUG FOR MY COMIC.
- POOR SETH. He should have been Final Boy, I swear. He gets away, tries to find help, runs all over town, gets a gun and a car, goes back to the source of danger, kills a Garth, and then...gets dead. This is not fair!
- WHAT DID THE GARTHS EAT whilst holed away in their dusty manor? Rats and stuff, I guess. Or maybe they had a potato patch on the grounds that we didn't see.
- YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, Andrew Garth impaled on the fence all bloody-mouthed is a pretty cool end.
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Movie Locations and More: Not a review, but check out these pics of a location visit!
The Movie Waffler
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Greetings from Movie City USA
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Montana Mancave Massacre
The Great White Dope's mecha-blog-zilla
Scarina's Scary Vault of Scariness