FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE...beware yon spoilers!

Nov 30, 2013

ki ki ki meh meh meh

Came across this yesterday and I was so shocked I almost spat my leftover Thanksgiving stuffing all over my computer screen.


Can you believe this shit? Mind you, I thought that the remake was a big waste of natural resources- no wait...actually, I pretty much wanted to set it on fire- but I'm surprised that instead of hopping down the sequel trail, they're re-reboot-ening.

But then, on the older, wiser, perhaps more boring hand...I find that I do not care. You see, I no longer live in Los Angeles, so my days of press screenings and free screenings and movie openings are past. Having to pay for something, well, that makes me a far more discerning viewer because the idea of spending some of my precious few dollars on another remake of Friday the 13th makes me want to puke. I'll have to wait for it to show up at Redbox or Netflix or something, and I have a feeling there's always going to be something I'd rather watch. But who knows! I've done worse things in the interests of science, so maybe I'll take a reckless plunge when the time comes.

Moreso, however, it got me thinking about slashers in general, their place in the horror movie pantheon, and how much appeal they hold for me these days. Heck, I started Final Girl to talk exclusively about 'em! Now here I am, unable to achieve a metaphorical boner of love or hate for the idea of a new Friday the 13th.

I suppose it's a combination of things. Tastes change, after all, and right now my horror tastes generally run in directions other than "young attractive people are stabbed in creative ways". I say "generally" because hey, every once in a while a new slasher flick comes along and I really dig it. And, of course, I still adore the slashers of mah yoot and indulge in them on the regular. Geez, I wrote a comic about 'em! I guess I've simply come to a place in life where I embrace the freedom of not giving a shit about stuff like this. Or, at least, my Internet Anger tank is running on fumes, so it'd take something particularly heinous- say, a remake of Martyrs starring Lady Gaga and Kim Kardashian- to get me all riled up. Even then, though, I think I'd run out of steam pretty quickly. After all, I've seen some of the crappiest remakes to ever crap a crap, and yet...here I am. My love for the original films continues unabated. The moon continues to wax and wane, my haircuts continue to mystify even myself. I just don't see the point of frothing over it beyond an initial ARE YOU KIDDING ME NOOOOOO. Then it's back to Thanksgiving leftovers, you know?

17 comments:

Nathan West said...

Yeah...the worst thing about this announcement is something you don't mention, Stacie, so either you don't know or you blocked it out from memory, but I read that they (the studio) have proposed to doing the new Friday the 13th as a FOUND FOOTAGE FILM! Ugh! Argh!

Not only did the studio totally drop the ball by not releasing what will be the 13th Friday the 13th movie in 2013, but they are gonna throw the ball at our collective Friday-loving faces in 2015 with another (proposed) piece of found footage crap. Yeah, I won't be paying money to see a new Friday movie. Sorry Jason.

ByTheWay, your headline "ki ki ki meh meh meh" made me laugh out loud and is soooo perfect.

matango said...

I'm just sad* that the original series will never get to the thirteenth installment, as it was meant to be.

*well, more like "sad."

Stacie Ponder said...

FOUND FOOTAGE. WHAT. I had no idea- all I've seen is this tweet.

I don't...hmm. I really like found footage as a genre, though there are some serious stinkers within. It *might* be interesting to see how a slasher is handled that way, since most seem to be of the paranormal ilk. But man, my hopes are not high.

CashBailey said...

Drew McWeeny insists the found footage thing is true, and if anyone in the press would know it'd be him.

Stacie, if you like the director and lead actress of COLD PREY they made another movie last year called ESCAPE (FLUKT) a medieval chase thriller. Very cool little movie.

Stacie Ponder said...

That sounds awesome! Gonna check it out for sure.

Rick Bman said...

This is a terrible idea. They really just need to count the remake as just another sequel (even if it would be a terrible sequel) and have the next movie be Friday the 13th part 13 (Counting Freddy VS Jason). Get a bunch of surviving Final Girls and Corey Feldman to team up and take out Jason once and for all. I'd watch the hell out of that movie.

Andrew McPherson said...

Actually, I would be interested to see a found footage version of Friday the 13th. Once a movie hits its 6th installment, everything after that should be weirdly off track and experimental. I don't need another by-the-numbers Friday the 13th... all the permutations of Jason and killing people have been exhausted. Something new, even if it's bad, would be appreciated.

Finbarr Heather said...

Another reboot? 'The Incredible Jason'?

matango said...

Flukt looks interesting. The landscape reminds of Skyrim, which makes sense, I guess.

Colleen said...

Two words that explain what a crapfest this will be: Platinum Dunes. Yup. Confirmed producers of the film.

Kaijinu said...

I just had to take one long sip of coffee before seeing this. *wipes my screen clean* oh God, hope they do it right, though. that last one was a sequel...A SEQUEL!

Dead In Hell said...

God. Dammit. I was foolish enough to actually be a little excited when the series seemed to come back to life however many months ago it was when that happened. I'm still a slasher guy, and since Rob Zombie ruined Halloween for a thousand generations and ANOES seems to be going nowhere, this was a bright spot. But no more of that. Especially if it ends up being god damned found footage. That will just be the absolute worst.

Everyone here seems to have hated the shit right out of it, but Friday the 13th was the only Platinum Dunes remake I actually enjoyed. All the other slasher remakes, PD and otherwise, were so awful I can't even believe it. This one actually got some stuff right. The revival of the burlap sack, the guy who returns to avenge his sister, other things. I like those elements from the original films being brought in. It was the best F13th in quite some time (not saying much, but still). I mean, do you guys remember the New Line sequels? Woof.

CashBailey said...

@matango: Hah! It DOES look like SKYRIM. :-D

Enzd said...

Usually I'm somewhat tolerant of the idea of remakes, but this is e-f-f-ing ridiculousness right here. Also, ridiculousness is apparently a word now since Chrome isn't telling me to correct it. That is just icing on this seven-tier crazy cake from film hell.

Marc said...

I totally get where you're coming from on this, I do - but I gotta say, I can't help but be a little excited. The worst thing I can say about the recent reboot was that it felt like a wasted opportunity, but there was enough about it I liked to make me want to see it done again, but better. (Though I don't think you can do better than Derek Mears - he was undoubtedly the best thing about it.)

And whether or not it's a sequel, or another reboot - I dunno. I think because Jason is a character that's been played by many people, it's different to something like the Nightmare on Elm Street remake where you REALLY feel it's a reboot because - well, Robert Englund IS Freddy. Always has been. I'm all up for trying new things and mixing things up, but since no-one else has ever played Freddy, Jackie Earl Haley had some big boots to fill, and I goddamn hated that movie. (It probably didn't help that the original NOES is my favourite horror flick of all time).

But as long as a Friday flick ends up with a Jason character killing people at some point, then you're golden. Remake, reboot, reimaging, rewhatever - it all feels like a continuation of the franchise no matter what they do, because they've always had different actors play the 'lead' role. So I'm just excited to get another movie in the series no matter what they call it. I just hope they fix some of the admittedly dumb things from the last one (all highlighted in your review, and I agree with them all) - I guess I just still come down on the side of 'excited' despite all that, is what I'm saying.

Jerry E Beuterbaugh said...

I hope 2014 proves to be a good year for you and yours!

Dead In Hell said...

Because I'm too cantankerous not to, I have to say that I never liked the mentality in which the villain is considered the lead role in a slasher film.

It's certainly become that way, and maybe that's merely what you were referring to Marc. The switch can be blame don where the genre went in the latter half of the 80s with unlikable casts, one liners, and more villain screen time, but the best films in the genre (and in the F13 franchise) were those that had strong, memorable protagonists that you actually cared about and cheered on. Laurie Strode and Ginny (from Halloween and F13 part 2, respectively, duh) being the obvious top picks.

That's part of what made Scream so great, to me. The characters were actually likable and Sid wasn't just a hapless twit. Too bad the better aspects of that film didn't really catch on in the post-Scream era.