FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Sep 23, 2005

Please, put ME on a meathook...

Let me just start off by saying that I do give new movies a chance. Really, I do. I may do a little ragin', but the fact of the matter is, I want to watch horror movies, so I do. Even the remakes- which (gasp) aren't always bad. (Hey, I like House on Haunted Hill, even if it does fall apart at the end...) But you know what it's like to read something and you just have to fall to your knees, raise your fists to the sky, and cry "Nooooooooooo! For the love of Charles Nelson Reilly, NOOOOOOOO!"? That happened today, when I came across a news item about the Michael Bay produced Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. Particularly this nugget of joy...no wait, I mean this nugget of bile-inducing info:

The story will go backward a couple of years, trying to answer questions about the character Leatherface. In this prequel, the filmmakers want to explain why Leatherface uses a chainsaw, and how his mask originated.

Umm...can I ask why we need to know why Leatherface uses a chainsaw? Wait, I'll answer that. Because that's what he fucking uses, that's why! Doesn't anyone understand anything? Huh? Don't they? I'm about to get all "Gimme the bat, Wendy" up in here, I tells ya.


Hint to modern horror moviemakers: Michael Myers was scary because he was the boogeyman. He was just "evil". He was everywhere and he was nowhere. Leatherface was a crazy dude in a crazy family that you were thankful you didn't come across...'cause, didn't the movie seem kinda real? Like, maybe that guy's still out there, twirling around with his chainsaw...?


Sheesh. If I want an explanation for why a guy would wear other people's flesh as...accoutrements, I'll watch Silence of the Lambs.


Oh, and the Charles Nelson Reilly thing will pass, I promise. I mean it this time.

12 comments:

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Stacie Ponder said...
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Stacie Ponder said...

Friggin spammers. Hope I fixed it...

Rachael said...

So I have no idea who CNR is so I googled him and found his filmography. Still no clue, so I looked at pictures of him and still no clue. This is one of those things that happens to me around Stacie and I feel bad b/c I'm sure its funny but I don't get it!!!
I did, however, find a tee shirt that might interest the readers:
http://www.t-shirt-town.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=197

David Lee said...

There's also rarely any suspense in prequel stories. I mean, we know what happens next right? Part of what's scary about boogiemen is, as you said, they just are. Does it make them scarier if we know what drives them? No. Finding out that (in the novel Hannibal) Hannibal Lector became a cannibal because he'd watched his sister get eaten and eating other people connected him to his sister didn't make Hannibal scarier. It made him pathetic. I can't at the moment think of a prequel that works to enrich the story that it's providing backstory for.

tismey said...

Agreed - explaining things stops them being scary. The Hallowe'en franchise was a clasic example of this - Like Stacie says, he was initially scary because he was the boogeyman. Making him Thorn, trying to explain why he can't be killed and that (in parts 5 and 6) was just lame. I'm so glad they ignored those films when they restarted the franchise...

Stacie Ponder said...

The only movie I can think of that I'd love to see a prequel for would be Roadhouse. And that's just because the world needs more Roadhouse.

Steven said...

Unfortunately, I think it's too late for a Roadhouse prequel, unless Swayze has kept that sweet can in pristine condition.

Carnacki said...

Hollywood people projecting their lack of imagination on people who'd rather imagine Leatherface's beginning. I don't know, it just seems to me that there is a real dearth in horror making. I know I'll sound like an old codger, but back in my day horror was better.

Carnacki said...

And welcome back