FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Aug 16, 2007

It was the best of times...

...it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, blah blah blah.

Yesterday, my friends, was a roller coaster ride of emotions- highs, lows, and creamy middles.

It all began innocently enough as I was innocently wheeling our garbage cans out to the curb for pickup...innocently. Right as I was about to walk away from the recycle bin, I looked down and saw a big ass black spider hanging out on a web towards the bottom. "Wow, neat," thought I, for I have always had an inquisitive mind, particularly in regard to The Wonders of Nature. "That is most certainly a large spider. I shall now squat down so as to examine it further." Squat I did, and I proceeded to give myself the willies simply by looking at the thing: bugs and their ilk have that effect on me. "I have never seen a large black spider such as this...could it be...? No, certainly not...", I thought- and then , the fucking thing flipped over and I saw a nice big fat red hourglass on its belly! There was a giant black widow on my garbage can.

A BLACK WIDOW. ON MY GARBAGE CAN.

THERE WAS A BLACK WIDOW ON MY GARBAGE CAN
. AND IT DID NOT LOOK LIKE THERESA RUSSELL.

I did my patented excited/creeped out dance, which...well, I'm sure that if any neighbors, oblivious to the spider's presence, saw me doing a little jig in the middle of the street for apparently no reason, they'd surely think that I'm retarded. I went to get my camera (yes, I am a nerd), but by the time I returned the spider had holed up in a crevice, and...well, fuck that noise.

After I returned to my house and calmed down a little (believe me, seeing a giant black widow in real life is very exciting to me), I made a shocking realization: if a black widow can live on my recycle bin, then there's a chance that a black widow could get in my hair...the point of which is, I almost died while taking out the garbage! Between this brush with a deadly spider and last week's earthquake, I'm totally convinced that it's The End of Times. This conviction was cemented when, a mere two hours after The Black Widow Incident, I bit my tongue whilst eating a peanut.

Somehow, in the face of all this death-defying activity, I managed to remain calm and cool when later in the evening this happened:

Yes, my mug is obscured to protect the innocent, but that picture is me and ADRIENNE BARBEAU. Yes, I finally...finally met my hero Adrienne Barbeau at a book signing last night. She was incredibly nice and I'm pretty sure I didn't make a fool of myself, despite the fact that I was completely excited and star-struck. At any rate, she seems to think I'm awesome.

7 comments:

Mariana said...

Awww... congratulations on finally meeting your heroine. :)

Bill Walsh said...

WOW! Congrats! I know that's HUGE in the Ponder Pantheon!

Alex Reid, Adrienne Barbeau... truly this is the Year of Ponder!

Sad man said...

That's awesome. Adrienne rocks.

I suffer arachnophobia, so I'd have called John Goodman in a second. Trust me, that's the only scenario where I'd call good ol' John. A friedking black widow? Scratch that, I'd have moved to a different country...yeah, that doesn't make sense but it would hit me right after I finish unpacking into my new home.

I love the new look, btw.

spazmo said...

Hey, she still looks gorgeous!
And you look...well, the very picture of happiness.

Stacie Ponder said...

She IS still gorgeous! I tells ya, she's the one person I'd really been dying to meet, yet I didn't WANT to meet because I thought I'd dork out. I think I kept it together pretty well. :D

And there's more to come with me and Ms Barbeau! Gasp.

Kimberly said...

Fantastic! I've always loved Barbeau and it's wonderful that you got to meet your favorite actress.

mina said...

How friggin' lucky are you?! I would love to meet her and Rutger Hauer. Congratulations!!