FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Sep 24, 2007

Hello, Dolly! - Day 1

Yup, that "Day 1" in the post title means that all this week I'll be talking about killer doll/killer dummy movies. Can you feel the excitement??

Poor, poor Dolly Dearest (1992). This straight-to-video killer doll flick has long been lambasted as little more than an equal opportunity Child's Play rip-off- an obvious cash-in. But is it just Chucky in a dress? And is it as bad as all that?

No, yes, kinda, sorta, maybe. Dolly Dearest is nothing if not the perfect cheesefest to pop in when you're bored at 2am, and as we all know by now, I've yet to meet a killer doll movie I don't like.

A lovely whitebread American family moves to Mexico where hubby Elliot (Sam Bottoms) has bought an old doll factory in the hopes of flooding the market with Dolly Dearest, a doll that's simply so exquisite that Elliot knows that every little girl in the whole world will want one. I realize that little Final Girl preferred Star Wars figures to dolls, but still...sorry, Elliot, I just don't see the "craze" potential here.

Clearly, however, that's just me. Young Jessica is immediately taken by the doll and proclaims it her new best friend. She needs a new best friend after all, because Elliot has gone and stranded his family in the middle of the Mexican desert- and if that wasn't bad enough, the doll factory was built right next to an Ancient Indian Burial Ground!

Yes, folks, killer dolls and Ancient Indian Burial Grounds. Dolly Dearest has it all!

Soon enough Jessica is getting a little too attached to Dolly- she locks herself away in her playhouse for secret meetings with Dolly, she relates that Dolly has been talking smack about mom Marilyn (Denise Crosby), and she's even gone so far as to occasionally speak in tongues. Whatever has gotten into little Jessica?

As usual, the hyper-religious Mexican housekeeper knows the score (see also: Devil Dog, The Hound of Hell): the doll- if not Jessica her very self!- is possessed by the spirit of the Child of Satan! Marilyn, of course, thinks it's all bunk, and Camilla (Lupe Ontiveros) is left with no choice but to wield the strongest magic of all: Mexican Catholicism!

Camilla's meddling and mumbling irritate Dolly to no end, however, which can only mean one thing: it's time for the first kill. Through a series of plot contrivances, Camilla and Dolly end up alone in the basement together. Instead of necking or playing Dungeons & Dragons as you might expect, though, they do a dance of death! Dolly pushes Camilla down the stairs, stabs her multiple times, knocks her into a big pool of water (never mind why there's a big pool of water in the basement- just go with it), and electrocutes her. Despite all evidence to the contrary, when Elliot discovers Camilla's body, he chalks it up as an accident.

See, here's the thing: I don't care how sucky or lame a movie is overall- sequences where dolls walk around and scuttle about in the shadows are just plain creepy. It's an undeniable fact, like how women are bad drivers or how deaf people have a superhuman sense of smell.

Meanwhile, at the Departamento de Arquiologia...

Dr. Resnick (Rip Torn) (yes, I said Rip Torn) (why I act surprised to see Rip Torn in a piece of junk like Dolly Dearest, I'm not sure...I mean, he was in The Beastmaster and RoboCop III, you know?) (don't get me wrong, I love The Beastmaster, but that doesn't mean that it's good) is researching the so-called "Ancient Indian Burial Ground" next to the doll factory. Turns out the tomb belongs to the Sanzia cult, some real mean-types who wanted to raise a Satan Child of their very own. Somehow they made a creature with the body of a child and the head of a goat and fed it the blood of sacrificed children; when the Satan Child turned out to be...you know...bad, they killed it. All this mucking about in the tomb has released the spirit of the Satan Child, which has possessed all the Dollies in the factory and even Jessica. Like, duh.

Now that there's a bonafide scientist telling her all this instead of "the help", Marilyn buys it. Where does she turn for aid in her time of need, though? To Camilla's sister, who just so happens to be A Sister. Marilyn gets herself to the nunnery and pleas with Camilla's sister, who's a little reticent for a daughter of God, if you ask me. She scolds Marilyn about her "modern ways", whatever those are, and the only advice she gives is to pray. Gosh, thanks, sister. Marilyn decides to take matters into her own hands and yells "I am not losing my daughter to a goddamn 900-year-old goat head!", which, if you think about it, is probably the best line of dialogue in any movie in the history of ever- and not just because Marilyn was taking the Lord's name in vain in a convent. That Marilyn, she's got brass ones!

It's then time for a family-vs-Dolly showdown, and despite the whole Exorcist-wannabe religious angle to Dolly Dearest, it seems that Dolly isn't at all immune to a few blasts from a good ol' fashioned double-barrel shotgun and a few sticks of dynamite. Whoda thunkit?

This movie certainly has a bad rep, but honestly, it's not that bad. The blending of dolls-n-devils is interesting, if not carried out to a logical, satisfying conclusion. The effects aren't terrible, and there's plenty of Dolly running around action. Dolly Dearest's biggest fault (aside from the...uh...what's thinner than paper-thin? annoying characters and the lousy acting) is that there's simply not nearly enough killing- the only deaths, in fact, are hapless Mexicans: an archaeologist, Camilla, and the night watchman at the doll factory. Whether or not this flick ever reached heights of awesomeness, however, it'd still be seen as a rip-off of Child's Play. That damn Chucky sure cornered the market on homicidal dolls!

11 comments:

ARBOGAST said...

Dolly Dearest looks a lot like Ann Rice. And I'm not just picking on Ann Rice because she's a Christian now.

Theron said...

"Dolly Dearest" might be bad, but at least there is a slight twist: the doll is possessed by the spirit of the Child of Satan, not Satan himself. I guess the Child of Satan gets all the shit jobs...much like Donald Trump's kids.

My favorite part about "The Beastmaster" (besides Tanya Roberts)? Rip Torn's eyebrows!

Amanda By Night said...

I swear, Sam Bottoms has got to be one of the worst actors ever. His performance here is just... well almost indescribable (sp?). It's like he's a doll himself and someone is just kind of pushing him around to make him look a little active.

I liked this movie. Mostly cuz I watched it with a good friend and we laughed for about a week over it. It's defintely one for the books...

Stacie Ponder said...

Granted, the actors had very little to work with, but Sam Bottoms and Denise Crosby were terrible. I don't think they were even trying at all!

spazmo said...

Chucky drove me nuts. Hated all his damned movies. Not to mention that Geico commercial I think he did a couple years ago. (Unless I'm imagining that one.)

The best reason to watch "Dolly Dearest"? To spite Chucky. Stupid one-liner-spouting little creep. Grrr!

Anyhow, having an all-doll horror revue is an awesome idea, Stacie! (Have you ever seen Dolls? It's so cute and charmingly homicidal!)

Mariana said...

My favorite evil doll story was in an X-Files episode, written by Stephen King (did you ever see it?) This doll is so powerful that thanks to her the little girl can force her terrified mother to do her bidding at all times, and if someone crosses the doll, well, they're not long for this world. And she likes to hear to same record over and over again, and the kid wants to eat nothing but pop corn and ice cream all day... It's a great concept.

darkerr said...

I remember that doll, i remember...¡get away Chucky¡¡¡..

digitaldd said...

Hmm. My favorite killer doll was in Trilogy of Terror. The Zuni doll or whatever it was called chasing poor Karen Black all over her home in the Amelia segment [part 3]. R.I.P. Dan Curtis, of many great TV horror movies/shows of the 70's.

Stacie Ponder said...

Honestly, I'm not much of a Chucky fan myself. He's far too yappy for my tastes, which takes away from his creepiness, in my opinion. A ventriloquist's dummy is one thing, but a doll busting out the one-liners ain't my bag. Dolly Dearest has her share, but they're laughably retarded.

Yup, I've seen Dolls- I believe I reviewed it here on FG...I love that movie! One of my favorites.

Mariana, I don't recall that X-Files episode, though I might have to track it down!

Ah yes, the Zuni fetish doll. I haven't seen that in forever, but lawd did it scare the bejesus out of me as a kid.

Mariana said...

The episode is this one: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0751089/

Anonymous said...

chucky is frightening.....


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