FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE...beware yon spoilers!

Oct 29, 2007

I'm a big lame

I know I'm approximately 427561 reviews behind schedule. It pains me right to my very core, I tells ya! I've been busier than...err, something that's super busy lately- but when my grand nefarious plans are finally revealed, I promise promise promise you'll be all "Oooh!" and you'll forget that I didn't have time to review these movies we've all seen before.

In an approach I like to call "totally and completely fucking anti-climactic, I'm simply going to tell you what films comprise the remainder of My Willies List, and I'll make an attempt to give 'em the in-depth treatment at some point in the future. You might be wondering why I'm even bothering to list them, but it's just because I thought you might like to know, okay? Why you gotta be frontin'?

Jacob's Ladder
The Thing
The Birds
Carrie
Poltergeist
The Beyond
The Devil's Backbone
Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?
The Tenant
Suspiria
The Fly (Cronenberg)
Pet Sematary

There, see? Maybe you should just imagine what I'd say about each of them...like how much Jacob's Ladder influenced Silent Hill, or how effing great Bette Davis is in Baby Jane, or I how I always thought the grody sister in Pet Sematary was Amanda Plummer but she's totally not, or how they're remaking The Birds and I'm going to be torn because it's a remake of The friggin' Birds but I love Naomi Watts so I'll probably end up seeing it against my better judgment. Add lots of swearing and it's just like I wrote reviews, right?

Right? Isn't it?


13 comments:

spazmo said...

Nah, you're not lame. Ignore that funny-looking kid in the lake (he always repeats everything people say, anyway - which is totally why the other kids got fed up and pushed him in the water).

Watched Jacob's Ladder last night for only the second time, and yeah, I can see how the gurney sequence in the hospital basement and the freaks crawling around on the wire-mesh ceiling were highly influential for the Silent Hill developers.

Also watched Hellraiser I&II last night of AMC, but the endless commercials and censorship ruined it. They wouldn't even show the little kid that the Chatterer turns into after Dr. Chenard attacks and turns Pinhead et al back to normal. I always thought that was a rather poignant revelation... Stupid channel.

dreamrot said...

Though I have to admit that I'd LOVE to read what you think of The Devil's Backbone, it'd be awfully hypocritical for me to say anything given my pattern of sporadic updates.

Snarf said...

I thinks it's awesome and perfectly ok.

Theron said...

You know, I've been mad at AMN for a while now, with all the commercials and editing out the good parts...but you know what?

This Halloween I've been watching Monsterfest, and I've let the hate go. I'm looking at it this way: It reminds me of my childhood, when there was no cable TV (that's right - three/five channels tops). I used to stay up all night watching edited monster movies that were full of commercials, and I liked it, by god. So, maybe I'm entering my second childhood, or maybe I'm just spiritually evolved - who knows? What I DO know is I'm enjoying me some monster movies, and I have the chance to use the bathroom...which I now do with annoying frequency. Ah, youth...

Theron said...

Uhhh - AMC...crap!

Jonathan Lapper said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. I counted and you're actually only 342836 reviews behind.

And Charles Nelson Reilly is a god that we should all worship. And of course Gene Rayburn and Nipsy Russell complete the trinity.

Theron said...

Would that make Brett Sommers the holy mother?

Jonathan Lapper said...

theron, you're a genius.

whitelabcoat said...

Just made my way over here from having read your AE article. Still making my way through your fabulous archives which, for a 70s/80s horror fan like myself, is kind of exciting - so much to discover. I can't help feeling like that person I envy who gets to watch "Halloween" for the first time ... well, I know what I mean. Thanks for this great blog.

Stacie Ponder said...

The kid in the lake IS a jerk, isn't he? Always mouthing off and being all "OMG" and whatever. Pfft.

I love this season because there are so many horror films on TV- if you don't have cable, you're still kinda screwed, but...I don't know, I dig it. Why they don't show stuff like Halloween 5 all the time is beyond me.

I mean, except for the fact that it sucks.

Thanks very much, whitelabcoat- I hope you dig it enough to stick around...and don't worry, I know exactly what you're talking about!

Shinydemon said...

I think your reviews for these movies are fine. Anyone visiting hopefully has seen these movies already.

Not sure how I feel about a Birds remake. Sometimes I think they're just setting themselves up for failure when they take on these remakes of movies that kick so much ass.

Your blog rules!

ARBOGAST said...

Count me in as a closet AMC viewer, too. I had on THE HOWLING today as I worked and it was like having my Mother in the room with me... my wolf mother, that is, with the nine teets.

Bonnie said...

I also agree that the Pet Sematary sister must secretly be Amanda Plummer. And don't stress about whether you're behind in reviews... this site kicks so much ass that you could not update it for months and I'd still be laughing myself into a hernia reading your review of The Swarm for the thosandth time. Awesome, awesome blog that never fails to entertain! Kudos!