FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

May 7, 2008

the wednesday dee cee cab

There are at least seven disturbing things in the photo above- see if you can find them all!

Well, another Wednesday means another AMC column. That being the case, oh won't you head over there to read my treatise on killer cars? Writing it made me think about the fact that I haven't reviewed any killer car movies here and I totally should. The Car is being released this week on DVD; no time like the prezzie, I always say.

No, I don't talk about Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! in the column, so yes, the above picture really has nothing to do with anything beyond the fact that I'm getting the itch to watch it again, stat. I swear, that movie is like water or crack: if I don't have some with frequent regularity, I will simply DIE.

Why, oh why have they gone and cast Tom Atkins in the remake of My Bloody Valentine? Between the Atkinsosity and the 3-Dness, it's getting so I want to see the film. Excuse me, but I am a blogger. I write on The Internet. As such, it is my duty to remain negative, to bash films sight unseen and to take no joy whatsoever from this hobby of mine. I'm not supposed to look forward to movies, or to say "Hey, that sounds swell. Yes, I will go see it upon the time it opens at my local multiplex! I will make a true experience of it by also purchasing a snack, although I will shun the "better value" extra-extra-large soda. Perhaps it is true that getting 9843256 more ounces for 0.19 additional cents is a great value, but if I partake of that much soda then surely I'll need to use the bathroom frequently during the movie, and I'm so looking forward to it that I don't want to miss even a second! My Twizzlers, however, I purchase in advance at a local candyorium, saving myself upwards of $76 by making the extra effort and not buying directly from the theatre. You know, I should really read the ingredients on the back of the Twizzlers package- I wonder if they contain gelatin? As a vegetarian, gelatin is a no-no and BOY do they sneak it in to the most unassuming places! I have to freshen my breath with mints that are not Altoids; at Halloween I ate some Starburst only to find out that they contain animal parts- the same is true for the Rice Krispie Treats a friend brought to my party last week. Well, they weren't "Rice Krispie Treats", they were Ralph's brand "Marshmallow Munchies", but, you know...same difference. Isn't it interesting when a product brand name becomes the name of the product itself? Like Kleenex or Xerox. Someone might say, "Excuse me, can I Xerox this paper?" when there's no Xerox machine involved, or perhaps "Say, would you be so kind as to hand me a Kleenex?" rather than using the word "tissue". Isn't it interesting? ISN'T IT?"

Umm.

Apparently there are several clips from The Strangers floating around Yon Internet, but I'm avoiding them completely. I want to go into that one completely blind beyond the trailer I've seen. I'm not reading articles, I'm not checking out stills- the movie is dead to me until it hits theatres at the end of this month! I like things better that way.

14 comments:

repoman said...

First off, Gary Busey must have needed to hit the bathroom 'cause he ain't there and should be. Second, Max Gail with a beard just isn't right. Plus, he's wearing a hat when he should have his standard God-awful toupee.

I don't know who the guy on the right is but I can tell you he will be my new closeted, homo-erotic dream boat. Cowboy boots and suspenders...who knew it could be that hot looking!

Bill Maher is in the photo (yes, he was in the movie but that was enough). Adam Baldwin does NOT look like a badass. Paul Rodriguez looks like he's doing a bit from his routine (which he helped pave the way for Carlos Mencia and George Lopez through his humor on being a Mexican...and I will never forgive him for it).

Finally, Mr. T isn't in the foreground where he belongs. It's as if America's toughest bouncer was embarrassed to be there...

Wes Fierce said...

Ok here we go... - Mr.T's Feathered Earrings. - Mr. T's Blue / Pink shirt - Mr. T's belt clip pack - All the bulges under the 3 guys skin tight jeans *pukes* - The pink jumpsuit - Everything the tree logger is wearing - The random Rubix Cube - Wearing anything but short sleeves, shorts, and flops while posing in front of a bulldozer - Posing for the picture on a hot sunny day - The remake of the A-Team scheduled for release in 2009

Adam said...

I stopped looking after I saw beardo with the hiked up mom jeans, cowboy boots, and suspenders. There's whole armies that couldn't fix all the wrong in that poor guy.
Also, just watched the trailer for "The Strangers" for the first time. My god does it look Rick-Dees-ulous!

JA said...

What I find disturbing the the LACK of bulges going on there. They all have camel toes. Not a moose knuckle to be seen! And those are all Mom Jeans.

I'm with you, Stacie, on avoiding all the clips making the rounds from The Strangers. I don't understand why anyone would want to watch these things. They release so many of them with every horror flick I feel as if you could string them together and just watch the entire movie beforehand.

Steven said...

Just promise me you won't watch The Hearse!

Fox said...

WOW! Only 7? I think there are 7 alone on the weirdo lumberjack with a headband on. WOW (again)!

Is that Paul Rodriguez up there doing the Walk Like An Egyptian dance!??!

OMG... too much... must go back to work and come back to this later...

rob! said...

just what did that disparate group of actors talk about around the craft services table?

a cast member from Barney Miller, two comedians moonlighting as actors, My Bodyguard, and Mr. T. HUH?

ARBOGAST said...

I love D.C. Cab, one of the rare light, family friendly comedies that dares to drop "Jesus Fuckin' Christ" in the middle of a car chase. Oh, the 80s were a lot of fun.

Bill Walsh said...

Man, where's my skinny tie and synthesizer? Back to the future? Hell no. Back to the '80s!

kindertrauma said...

MY BLOODY VALENTINE remake + 3-D +Tom ATKINS....who says human sacrifices don't work? My ritual just payed off!
but I think I ordered a Diane Franklin cameo as well, oh well back to the sacrifices...

GlowStormLion said...

I agree, screw previews! They suck the joy out of the first glistening moments of the movie rolling across the screen, don't they? Maybe your movies don't glisten but in my Imagination Place (tm) they DO!

Anyways, I've yet to see Faster Pussycat..etcetc so I need to do that. Great AMC column, btw :)

and Mom Jeans? lol.. how emo

Anonymous said...

Answer: Everything is wrong in that picture except for Mr. T. Now, on to some axe grinding. Reasons why the remake of Dawn of the Dead sucked: Baby zombie. Why, baby zombie, why? Ving Rahmes is corny. The dialogue was vomit-inducing. The CG was stupid. That guy on the room with his signs was boring. It should not have been called Dawn of the Dead. Reasons why the America remake of The Ring sucked: Only need one reason here -it was just like the original Japanese version, only much less scary and much more confusing. It was either confusing, or I got so bored I simply stopped paying attention to it. Loved the original version of all three movies (are there more than three now)?
Anonymous rules!

ladracul said...

Anyone notice that Adam Baldwin's career is the only one that's still going strong from that film?

James Hansen said...

I am thrilled to see "The Strangers" as well and am avoiding all I can. It is certainly one of the better horror trailers I have seen in a while...let's hope the film holds up!