FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE...beware yon spoilers!

Jun 25, 2008

the wednesday wonder

this is so effing frightening

You are never, ever going to believe this...I've got a column up at AMC! Weird, right? Anyway, I talk a bit about Mr Mack Daddy himself, Lon Chaney. Go, read, comment! Or don't. Be a jerk if you want- see if I care.

One last time for the whorin': Alone in the Dark 5 (PS2, PS3, Xbox 360, Wii, PC) dropped yesterday. Anybody pick it up? I haven't gotten my review copy yet (which is my prize for whoring out and talking about it, in case you didn't know), but I'll be sure to...uh...review it when I do. It looks like it'll be fun, even if I have no clue what it's really about. This screen shot doesn't help much, as it seems that the main character's "journal" or what have you is culled from a deluxe pack of magnetic poetry.

click to embiggen

Eh, no matter. As I said, it looks like fun and I'm psyched to play it. Then again, I think that pretty much all video games look like fun and I get excited to play things like Zoo Vet where I get to diagnose computer animals' computer illnesses and give them computer medicine. "The penguin has a sore foot? I'll be there right away!" This either makes me a person filled with child-like excitement and wonder regarding the world around her, or a person filled with child-like idiotic tendencies. Either way, I'm obviously more than a little Nell.

"Don' wor' chick'bay...tay na winn"

I just thought you all might like to know that Jessica Harper left a comment on my Suspiria review and posted her website address- and she welcomes emails! How awesome is that? HOW AWESOME I SAY.

Yes, there's always the chance it's not really her, but come on. I'm going all Occam's Razor on this one.

Jessica Harper!

Commented!

On a Film Club review!

Speaking of the Final Girl Film Club, it's time to pick a film for next month. What a great response for June's movie, Lifeforce! You guys rock my face off. I haven't made my way through reading all the reviews yet, but I'm working on it. Reading may be fundamental, but it's also so very hard. As is math. Damn my girl parts!

The point is, yes, July's pick is...



The Car
, bitches! James Brolin! Ronny Cox! THE CAR! It's totally like the Jaws of...of cars, man.

I love that trailer. I love the woman on the phone- "I think I hear the engine of that car..." and if after watching it you're able to get the "honk...honkhonkhonnnnk" out of your head, you're made of stronger stuff than I.

The Car is available on Netflix for you Netflix peeps. Sa-weet! I can't wait.

The movie: The Car
The due date: Monday, August 4

In other news, has anyone ever made a movie about a flying shark? If not, someone totally should. Ooh! And the shark should go "honk...honkhonkhonnnnk" when it's not screeching like an eagle. And the mayor should totally refuse to cancel the annual beach festival despite all the warnings about the dangerous shark- then, after a dead body washes up on shore, he should totally cancel the festival...but it won't matter because the shark can fly and therefore NO ONE IS SAFE! It can get you anywhere!

"I think I hear the honking of that shark..."

It totally writes itself.

25 comments:

MrCanacorn said...

THE CAR...super sweet! This one was on my must watch list already. Hey, what gives with the "no vote" this go round? Puff Daddy would be disappointed in you, Ms. Ponder. But I guess it is your Film Club and all...besides, I think you've made a fine choice.

Stacie Ponder said...

Geez, I give you vultures a taste of power...!

Last month was the first and only up-for-vote Film Club choice so far. I'll most likely have another elected flick in the future.

Oh, and fuck Puff Daddy!

:)

MrCanacorn said...

...and that's why you rule...

Robert H. said...

"... the sick ornery beast is gaining on us!"

Of course, this time, I'll know exactly what Ronny Cox is saying.

Good pick!

Jessica Harper commenting... that is so cool. I'm so jealous - obviously, she doesn't go trolling the Net for SHOCK TREATMENT mentions...

Pierce said...

Oh man I can't wait to watch "The Car" again, great pick Stacie!

I have always said that any movie that features a shark out of water must contain a scene where the shark tricks a victim by knocking on the door with a candygram.

Should I be proud that I am fast becoming the strangest commenter on the AMC blogs?

Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to try and re-erase the memories of "Small Wonder" from my mind.

Ray said...

Would the shark's honking sound like a goose, or a car horn? Either way, that movie sounds awesome.

Rural Juror said...

You Need To See The Mother of Tears


On the same token: It's REALLY Cheesy, Don't See It.

But I really wanna know what you think.

Chris Cooke said...

of all the rip-offs of JAWS, the CAR is the best! The BEST!! it's way better than Tentacles, Tintorera, Piranha 2: Flying Killers; Killer Fish and all the others...

and Mother of Tears is great - really good fun - low, low budget drops it from the Suspiria league, but its surreal, dreamlike, weird, fucked up and twisted.

spazmo said...

THE CAR! Stacie, you are the supreme ruler of choosing things.

I've seen it ten times (five times recently), and that sucker never runs out of gas.

Also, you might need to don a scary, beaked Phantom of the Paradise mask, so you can protect Jessica Harper from unscrupulous midget music moguls in white suits.

And flying sharks, guaranteed, will be the next wave in horror flicks. I've been writing a script in my head for something called "Snow Sharks" (hey, there's a "Snow Spiders" movie, so why not?), and the White sharks in it are so white, they blend in perfectly with their surroundings. They sneak up on snowboarders and mountaineers and trap this small arctic town within their deadly perimeter of toothy, air-breathing, mutated predation!

They don't fly, though. They sort of whomp around on their bellies.
(When they're not sliding downhill, gape-jawed, toward teams of tiny tobogganers, that is)

Chris Cooke said...

A friend of mine came up with Graveyard Sharks a while ago - they had fins like tombstones and moved so fast through graveyard dirt that no one visiting the grave of a loved one at midnight stood a chance.

but flying sharks... they would be impossible to resist. A cross between Jaws and Hitchcocks The Birds!

You're out in the park throwing bread to the pigeons or feeding the ducks in a pond when suddenly -

bwana said...

I bet Brolin has nightmares where he hears the Car honking and doing donuts in his front yard but to his horror it turns out to be Rosie O'Donnell, screaming for Babs.

Adam said...

The Car looks amazing. I'm officially psyched. You're a girl unlike other girls Stacie, much like Vicki the robot.

Dan Coyle said...

Awesome! The Car scared the crap out of me when I was like six or so.

bwana said...

I couldn't find Alone in the Dark for ps3, so maybe it's coming later. Back to Jaws:Unleashed for me.

Anonymous said...

First of all, I shudder at the Small Wonder costume. I used to babysit for kids who were oddly obsessed with that freaky lil' sitcom. They used to walk around like robots imitating Vicki's voice.

Also, though you know I am a complete baby when it comes to horror movies, I am intrigued by The Car. I could totally watch that. Actually, the Car reminds me of Kitt from Knight Rider, you know if Kitt suddenly developed a personality disorder or something.

-Steph

Anonymous said...

Nice, I've actually been itching to watch The Car again-great pick!
chuckwilson

JA said...

I swear I'll do FGFC this time! I swear it!* I've never seen The Car before... it's a whole new world! A dazzling place I never knew!

And Stacie, you really should wait to take the magic mushrooms until after writing up a post. Flying sharks and Vicki the Robot all in one post is the stuff bad trips are made out of.

* My word means nothing.

Ray said...

spazmo, I like the way you think. I wish to subscribe to your literature. A shark sliding down the hill, mouth wide-open, swallowing unsuspecting skiers along the way? Genius!

Timothy said...

I saw this movie at the drive-ins when I was a kid. Anytime the car offed somebody the cars at the drive-in honked in approval.

It was like the cars at the drive-in were egging on the killer car. They were applauding a car with the balls to get back at us car-hatin' humans.

Every time I had to run to the bathroom to take a pee, along with the creepy child molestors, puddles of vomit, broken beer bottles, and
projectile condoms that I had to dodge, I had to stare down the dark grills of dozens of angry looking cars.

Oh, God ... It's bringing back those early childhood terrors ...
You can't get me car! I am the boss of you, you are NOT the boss of me!

WE MADE YOU! WE MADE YOU!

Headquarters 10 said...

I suggest making PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE a FGFC selection, just so we can get more comments from jessica Harper (and because it's great).

Just sayin'.

Stacie Ponder said...

A friend of mine and I came up with an entire ridiculous scenario for the flying shark movie some time ago- it was more about who we would cast than, you know, plausibility.

I'm pretty sure Linda Gray was in there somewhere...

Stacie Ponder said...

Oh, and the honking shark sounds EXACTLY like the honking of THE CAR.

It makes total sense!

Natazzz said...

Stacie, you got me all excited about the wrong game...now I want to go out and get me a copy of Zoo Vet.

Jeremy Richey said...

That is so badass that Jessica Harper responded to your SUSPIRIA post...I wish she would respond to my INSERTS post where I praised her as one of the great actors of the seventies. That is so cool she responded, she is really terrific and I am jealous.

Jay said...

Crazy! I just saw The Car recently for the first time on our cable horror channel SCREAM! It's well worth another watch for the FGFC. Nice pick.