FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE...beware yon spoilers!

Aug 15, 2008

I haven't been doing nothing, I swear

Man, I went to a midnight show of Alexandre Aja's Mirrors last night so I could get my review to AMC first thing this morning, and now I feel like I've been run over by The Car. Seriously. I know all my Crystal Pepsi and Mountain Dew drinking gives me a fine patina of youthful vigor, but I'm wiped out today from my almost all-nighter. I wring my hands in shame! The question is, was Mirrors worth the now when I'm dealing with a honk...honkhonkhonnnnnnnk-style hangover?

Well, I guess you'll just have to read the review to find out, lazypants! Nyah!

I've been such a lame that I've neglected to mention my last two columns at AMC, so if you wanna read all about Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer, or Bette Davis's work in the horror genre, then knock yourself out whilst you're over there.

So basically, I've been writing for another site and neglecting FG, which makes me feel like a cheater. I swear, baby, I'll never do it again! Too woo you back, I've just this very minute decided to have an EVENT WEEK next week, huzzah! In fact, I'm going to put up a little poll so you can help me decide what kind of movies to watch & review next week. The choices would include "crap on my DVR", but once again Dish Network went all ten kinds of nutcake and all my recordings were wiped clean. Once again, I say: FUCK YOU, DISH NETWORK. Sadly, Crap On My DVR Week will have to wait. Fuck technology.

edit: the poll is up! Vote, bitches!

12 comments:

Asplagis said...

Why are you calling me a bitch? You don't know me. So stop calling me a bitch, or I'll tell.

Pierce said...

Ah ha! So the Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer post does still exist, it's just like an AMC easter egg now?

My vote is for the Drive-In movie pack if only because I need to motivate myself to watch a few more of the movies from that too.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go and find a way to backup all the stuff on my Dish Network DVR...

Kmart said...

Wasn't Crystal Pepsi a caffeine-free beverage?

eroslane said...

Gore aside, I found MIRRORS to be on-par with an ABC Tuesday Night Movie of the Week. I pondered the entire film why Jaclyn Smith wasn't playing The Keifster's role, trying to save her family peppered with commercials for K-Mart in-between.

Bill Walsh said...

Switch to DirecTV, woman.

And great piece on Bette Davis. Maybe your best yet.

Stacie Ponder said...

I don't know from caffeine, Kmart...all I know is that kids love invisible cola, and therefore I love invisible cola!

Eroslane, I agree with you. For me the middle chunk of Mirrors was lacking, but I loved the early pre-family drama stuff...and the end was so ridiculously over the top I couldn't help but dig it.

Thanks, Bill! Honestly, I'd rather switch to nothing. Stupid TV!

ladracul said...

Wait, do they still make Crystal Pepsi? I feel cheated if they still do...that and Pepsi Twist. Boy, that one had great commercials. Especially when Halle Berry unzips and reveals she's Barry Bostwick. XD

Timothy said...

Were you a fans of the High Tensions? I wuz not so keen on the psycho-lesbo ending ... not so much because it was homophobic (anyone can be a psycho ... equal opportunity), but because it mades the no sense and killed it for me.

sarah said...

god you never do ANYTHING

gil mann said...

I thought the High Tension twist was a great idea that the makers obviously didn't come up with until they'd already filmed 95% of the movie.

I mean, on one hand, it's a really cool psychological angle for a horror film, playing on those weird self-aggrandizing rescue fantasies. On the other hand, where'd the fucking van come from?

Death by credenza earns a lot of goodwill from me, but not enough to overlook plotholes THAT obvious.

Timothy said...

I agree with the gil mann. If it was like the Sixth Sense, where once it was revealed it was like "oh!" instead of "huh?"

Not only where did the van come from, but what about the severed head the killer is playing with at the beginning? Doesn't work so much with the girl parts. (not that it really works with boy parts either, but you get the drift.)

Mirrors is getting solid pans. Think I'll skip it.

Felix said...

You're so funny, Stacie.