What brought on this affliction, you ask? Why, I'll tell you: last night I watched the 1989 made-for-TV movie Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes, and I just ain't been right since. Like I said, I gots da fever, and mama, I gots it bad.
My relationship with The Amityville Horror and its 10,000 sequels has, in the past, been all but non-existent. Sure, every once in a while I bust out the original flick and pop it in to relive my youth (when red-eyed purple pigs were scary and I slept with Jay Anson's book under my pillow) and also to relish my present (when Margot Kidder and I are best friends). I've seen a portion of Part 3 (sadly, not in 3-D), and a portion of Part 2; I don't know why I haven't seen all of 3, but I can sure as hell tell you why I haven't seen all of 2. Two words: Burt. Young. This may make me sound like a horrible person, but I don't care: I simply can't bear to watch him in anything. He's always greasy, he's always sweaty, he's always dirty, he's always wearing a dirty wife beater, and he looks like he smells like armpits and motor oil. I CANNOT STAND HIM.
There, I'm glad I finally got around to admitting that. I think it will really strengthen our relationship, don't you?
But anyway. The Evil Escapes is so fucking awesome that it's a new day for me and Amityville. There are so many more films in the series for me to check out, and I can't wait. There's a good chance none of them will live up to the glory and splendor of the fourth installment, but that's a chance I'm willing to take. As for you, my friends, I say unto thee: this movie is awesome and well worth your time. Behold:
In The Evil Escapes, the evil escapes by "transmigrating" into a hideous floor lamp after an exorcism. Someone buys the hideous floor lamp at a yard sale and packs it off to California where it makes with the havoc wreaking. Occasionally, a demon face appears in the floor lamp to remind us that it's not merely hideous- it's both hideous and hideously eeeevil.
Why would anyone want to buy items from the murderiffic-n-hellicious Amityville house? Whose belongings are they to begin with? Who gets the proceeds from the sale? These questions and many more go unanswered in Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes!The eeeevil floor lamp causes all sorts of appliances to come on unexpectedly- a garbage disposal mangles someone's hand! An electric kettle burns someone's hand! And, in a scene that is sure to delight moviewatchers for generations to come, a chainsaw suddenly springs to life, causing hapless young David (who was oh-so-innocently holding it- sans power- and making "vroom vroom" noises) to lay waste to the basement, including gramma's beloved jelly jars.
Watch in delight as a sorta-possessed Jessica defends the eeeevil floorlamp from a priest! She levitates and giggles her way through the stabbings.
See, she thinks the floorlamp is...her dead dad. No, Jessica's not the brightest child. She is, however, played by Brandy Gold, which was shocking to me. I thought the Gold siblings stopped at Missy Gold of television's Benson and Tracey of television's Growing Pains (not to mention one of my favorite Lifetime movies, Midwest Obsession). It's true what they say: one lives, one learns.As with all the greatest movies in the world, the action in Amityville 4 culminates with someone throwing a hideous floorlamp off a cliff where, upon impact with the rocky shore below, it explodes.
I know you're salivating over this film already, but allow me to add: the floorlamp can telepathically drive a van. Or is that telekinetically? Whichever it is, one thing's for sure: it's positively teletastic!
And then there's the ending, which is basically the feline version of the ending to Zoltan: Hound of Dracula. I'd post a screencap, but you should see it for yourself. I seriously, seriously hope part 5 picks up where this one left off.
Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes is fantastic made-for-TV junk, Patty Duke treats the material way too seriously, all the kids are tools, and it's as brainless as the premise promises. No wonder I'm in love!
Dr. Whimsy's patented Trick 'Em Toothpaste strikes again!
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Amityville II rules though. And Burt Young gets killed about half an hour into it, so you don't have to worry about seeing too much of him.
Anyway, it's brilliant because it's so obviously a trashy Italian cash-in made to look like a big Hollywood sequel. Definitely one of my guilty pleasure movies, on my "so bad it's good" list. Right up there with Halloween III, ya know.
Cliff
Dying to see this. Right. Now.
Dr. Whimsy's Trick 'Em products never get old, do they?
-"Spearmint or fruit?
-Fruit, please
-You do believe me, don't you dad?
-AHHHHHHHH!"
This movie is definitely entertaining (maybe for the wrong reasons), and I love the David character! I tried to watch the next entry in the series--Amityville Curse--and couldn't get through the first 20 minutes at the time. Maybe it's time for another try! BTW I actually like Part 2 more than most people, and Part 3 was interesting in 3-D but still so strangely un-fun. It's been awhile since I last saw It's About Time or A New Generation, and I don't remember much about them, but I do clearly remember not enjoying Dollhouse when it came out on VHS way back when. I think it's about time I checked out the back-end of the Amityville films again!
Oh, you can't give up on Amityville 2. Yes, Burt Young is scummy and really gross, I won't deny it. But he is murdered in it, so that might make it easier on you.
As for the movie itself, oh it's wrong in so many ways. Incest in film is always gross, no two ways about it.......unless you're seducing Diane Frnaklin. The filmmakers keep the creepy vibe but also kinda make it sexy, which is even more disturbing.
The film has to be seen just for the camera swooping shots alone. If there is a moment the camera can move all around an actor, the director didn't let it go. It's like a rollercoaster...assuming a rollercoaster would be made around a guy killing his family.
The second half of the film (aka after the murder) is kinda weak and shows the filmmakers really loved The Exorcist. I was waiting for Max von Sydow to come along and scream "The power of Christ compels you!". Instead, the murder's face slides off and reveals The Hidden Evil Inside Him. Yea, that's crap but kinda looks good to this day.
This film was the only chance Damiano Damiani was given to do an American film. After his success with "The Day of the Owl", "confessions of a Police Captain", and "Goodbye and Amen", he was shipped to America for a shot at making it big. And who gave him that chance? None other than The Man Himself: Dino De Laurentiis.
You should give AMITYVILLE II another go. It's pretty good. The televison and direct to video sequels are a mixed lot with THE AMITYVILLE CURSE being the worst and AMITYVILLE: A NEW GENERATION being the best. AMITYVILLE: DOLLHOUSE has it's moments. I had Amityville-fever a while ago, watching and reviewing all 9 movies. It's was fun - and tough, but not as tough as having HOWLING-fever!
Alright, my trusted friends and allies, y'all are making a good case for me to revisit Part II. It'll be tough- REALLY TOUGH- to overcome my extreme dislike of Burt Young to do it, but you've convinced me.
I can't believe how many sequels there are. It's sort of like the Children of the Corn movies...they've been quietly multiplying over the years and now there's 800 of them.
I've heard only good things about It's About Time, so I'll definitely be checking that out. And in my world, Dollhouse just HAS to be good. I mean...AMITYVILLE DOLLHOUSE. That's got AMAZING written all over it!
The old possessed floor lamp bit, eh? Meh, I'm so over that gag.
I've had Amityville Fever for about 20 years now, antibiotics never seemed to clear it up.
If I wasn't gay I think I'd want to marry Margot Kidder.
I can't bring myself to watch the Amityville sequels. I even watched the remake, but I never got past number 1 of the original series. (And I topped off at 3 for Children of the Corn!)
One of my best friend's UMass roommates was from Long Island; she went along for a family visit and she got to drive by the Amityville house.
I'm still jealous. Someday I wanna see it too.
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