FINAL GIRL explores the slasher flicks of the '70s and '80s...and all the other horror movies I feel like talking about, too. This is life on the EDGE, so beware yon spoilers!

Aug 31, 2009

10 Sentence Review: The Final Destination

It was love at first sight: from the moment I first caught a glance of Final Destination across a crowded room, I fell and I fell hard. I was only a little ashamed to admit that these films (which showcase Death's blacker-than-black humor as he employs a Rube Goldberg meets Grand Guignol meets Milton Bradley's Mouse Trap devices to slaughter those who try to cheat him) had become, perhaps, my very favorite modern franchise. Part 3 had left me a little cold, but I hoped Part 4- which promises to be The Final Destination- would rekindle our love affair...after all, it's in 3- uh, excuse me, REAL D, and I loves me some...err, 3D. Real D. Crap flying at my face from the screen...whatevs.

As I'd hoped (and as we all expected), the death sequences in The Final Destination are such a hoot that they're, like, supersonic and you can't even hear said hoots. Blood and chunks fly as Death makes good on his life-claiming promises- as you know by now, no one can beat him. This franchise has never been about character development or plot...the films have always been little more than a showcase for Death's grand design. Unfortunately, the folks behind The Final Destination have finally admitted as much, and the nonexistent effort put into the violence-free sequences makes this entry in the series the weakest of the bunch, Real D mayhem or no. There's still tons fun to be had, for sure, but it's glaringly obvious that sadly, Death is on his last legs.

5 comments:

Phantom of Pulp said...

Good summing up, S. "Last Legs" indeed.

Maven said...

Your review matches my own in many ways except for one. I didn't have any fun. I was very saddened by this fact as I love this franchise as well. Whittling it down to 75 mins only served to tick me off. True they've never been about character development but this film pretends like they don't even have characters. Blecch.

Stacie Ponder said...

I had fun with the death sequences, of course...but really that's only because they were in 3D. If this was 2D, I probably would've REALLY disliked it. The apathy of the in-between stuff (ie, everything that wasn't a death sequence) was appalling. Why even bother HAVING anything but death sequences?

I loved the opening credits, though...very clever.

JA said...

A whole lot of weed helped me!

Not just with this movie. With life.

But specifically I mean this movie right now.

OR DO I?

Oh my god I need sleep.

Kaijinu said...

well, I liked it for the first three viewings (one on cinema, two on DVD), but after a fourth I suddenly realized this: its really stale and too fast. I mean it killed off the fun of the first three, where there's suspense, y'know? I dunno, it was tense for me.