And I guess I'm really into incorporating numbered lists into my sentences today because 1) I don't know why.
So! Frozen. Three assholes con their way onto ski slopes without paying those expensive lift ticket prices. Three assholes end up stranded on the chair lift because no one knows they're up there when the slope closes for the night. Three assholes try a few ways to save themselves: jumping, heading down the line to a climbable pole. Three assholes encounter many hardships, such as wolves, wolves, and frostbite. One asshole survives.
Now, I realize that all makes it sound as if I didn't like Frozen, which is not the case. Well, that's not entirely true, for I pretty much loathed the first half hour, full of character development by way of assholery. The "girlfriend coming between two friends and their bro time" angle simply made for characters that are unpleasant. Maybe I was supposed to be rooting for their deaths? Maybe it's all supposed to be some big morality play and the stranding/wolfnanigans are cosmic payment for their generally foul natures and thievery? That seems like a bit of a stretch, and thus my battle cry is yelped once more: please, just make some likable characters.
Once they all got stuck up there in the dark- in the night...in the dark (sorry, Haunting moment there)- things picked up and I found myself getting into it. The characters remained fairly assholey and shallow, despite all the "Remember that time?" stories meant to add depth, but the situation was interesting/dire/tense enough that I was interested in their fates nonetheless. Add in some cringe-worthy gore and I was satisfied enough. It made me particularly grateful to be warm and dry, so I suppose it was evocative enough.
But. But but but. Now, I realize that, Kane Hodder cameo aside, a viewer who's not ensconced in the indie horror scene might not notice, but...for fuck's sake. kay, Adam Green, we get it. You love your horror filmmaking buddies. You really do, and you seem like a good friend, but we get it. Does every character name have to be pulled from the home page at Dread Central? You've got characters named Joe Lynch, (Dave) Parker, (Spooky) Dan Walker (complete with the "Yeah, that's Spooky, Dan" line), (Ryan) Schifrin, and (Adam) Rifkin. I don't know, maybe I should ignore it. But it's so bro-y, you know? Like the dudes stranded on the chairlift, who love the same movies Adam Green loves, who hit on a girl played by Adam Green's wife. Does this have any bearing on the movie itself, or is it just too wizard-behind-the-curtain for me and so my personal experience suffers? Eh. Probably doesn't matter, but I'm just saying. I noticed.
Oh, and who the fuck gets excited over Papa Gino's pizza? It's gross. And I'm not sure that Newbury Comics would really post a big billboard at a ski resort, but I used to work there, so hey.
Film Club Coolies, y'all! Give 'em love.
Moving Pictures (haiku!)
A Lifetime in Dark Rooms
Maynard Morrisey's Horror Movie Diary
Brutally Violent & Wonderful
Porkhead's Horror Review Hole
Dave's Blog About Movies and Such
The Awesome Art of Horror
Evil Eye Reviews
I Will Devour Your Content
Scarina's Scary Vault of Scariness
Undy a Hundy
Banned in Queensland
The Horror Canon
The Verdant Dude
The Horror Digest
The Bleaux Leaux Reveaux
Chuck Norris Ate My Baby
Friend Mouse Speaks
The United Provinces of Ivanlandia
The Montana Mancave Massacre
Things That Don't Suck
Pussy Goes Grrr
Sucker Punch Cinema
Aphorisms and Ectoplasm
The Agitation of the Mind
hold onto yr genre